Posted by: sternenfeeinflorida | 22 March 2009

What is this "life" thing anyway?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about life a lot, thanks to a friend of mine who asked what will change 10, 20, 50 years from now. Honestly, I think that not much will change. People will still do what people always did, just the details will be different. People always had the amazing ability to adapt to changes and in a way survival of the fittest may be applied to today’s world just as much as to our humble beginnings as a species. What I’m trying to say is, during the ice ages, in medieval times, 100 years ago and today, people were people. People ate, procreated, had relationships and some sort of governmental structure. How that governmental structure looks has changed over the years, also the way we eat, form and keep relationships and in a way procreation has changed as well. To me, though, the how’s are unimportant details. The what won’t change.

That doesn’t keep me from wondering about the cards life tends to deal to us, though, as it is way too interesting a topic. Right now I’m at a stage in my life where everything is changing. I set this change in motion when I broke up with my husband about 6 months ago. It took me some getting used to this new situation but a little more than a month ago, I realized that although the divorce proceedings haven’t even really started (because he hasn’t returned the papers to me, although he’s had them for 4 months), I’m free. I am delighted to know that maybe for the first time in my life, everything is up to me, me alone and I’m the only one responsible for my life.

Even with this knowledge, my life has probably never been more fast-paced than right now. I’m not sure why but it seems as if I’m trying to make up for years I lost while being married. Everything I’d like to happen has to happen right now. Anything that is holding me back from making more changes to my life is seen as a hurdle, an annoyance that cannot be avoided for the moment. Two of the biggest hurdles in my “new” life are the apartment I live in and the job I have. Don’t get me wrong, both fulfill their purposes, it’s just that my job doesn’t pay enough to support myself and the apartment itself is full of things that belong to my ex and a roommate who also adds to my stress levels.

Today was a day when I paused for a moment and thought to myself, why are you doing all this now? In a way it seems as though I’m trying to live my life to the fullest because I don’t know how long it’ll last. I’m in life head over heels right now, living instead of being a spectator. Sure, I’m up to no good at the moment and have some wicked ideas that I’d like to see happening. But I am also taking steps to take charge of my life, to ensure that one day I will be able to live the life I always envisioned for myself.

I’m on my way to truly discover who I am, what I truly want in life, regardless of what society wants me to do. That I have the ability to do just that, to live my life exactly the way I want it to, is a gift that is hard earned. So often do I see people who are being held back by society’s expectations, people who just don’t have a vision, a dream of what they want to do with their lives. Maybe not everybody is bound to experience this freedom, this ultimate happiness, the knowledge that, regardless what will happen, it’s all part of a greater plan… the plan called life.

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