Posted by: sternenfeeinflorida | 11 April 2009

Scary Thoughts

Today’s the day I’ve been waiting for! I’m flying home. How have I been waiting for this day and now that I’m actually in the air, approaching Boston, I find myself missing Florida. I should be jumping with joy that I’m flying home, that I get to see my family and friends but at the same time I feel myself missing the friends I made in Florida already. I miss the soft air, the warm temperatures. This is truly amazing, only 9 months ago, I had wanted nothing more strongly than moving back to Germany. Under no circumstances did I want to stay in the US. Then stuff happened, I broke up with my husband and my emotional life improved dramatically. I had no idea that this would happen. I thought I’d just struggle along until June and then be glad to be moving back in July. Now I’m trying to figure out where I would rather be… do I want to stay in Orlando for at least another year or do I want to move to the metro Tampa area because I like the beaches on the Gulf side better?
I’m deeply torn and I feel so many contradictions right now, it’s incredible. Things are happening I never imagined would. Am I growing up? Am I at the point where I’m finally living my own life instead trying to fulfill other people’s expectations, living a life that’s not my own? I always thought that’s what I did but now I’m finding new possibilities and new things I’d like to try almost every day.
Although I’m still struggling in many areas, I feel stronger and more enthusiastic about my life. I may moan and groan if I have to get up early to go to work, stay up late to finish homework for school or whatever may come up that’s worth a small complaint, but overall I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace with myself.

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Responses

  1. I like the way you write. And I like to read real life stories. I think you feel free now, there is nobody anymore to tell you what to do. Norbert from http://www.learn-german-for-free.com


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