Posted by: sternenfeeinflorida | 11 May 2009

An apology

First off, I would like to apologize to my readers. What will follow is a very personal apology and you may not understand it all. But I know the person I will be apologizing to will understand.

What the hell happened? How did we get to where we are today? Who did not read the “live your life proper” guide? Ok, I have to admit, we must both have skipped that one… Still, I’m baffled and I need to apologize. I need to apologize for all the change I brought into your life. You had your plan and you were determined to stick to it, as it seemed best and easiest for you. Then I entered your life.

I think we got along quite well from the first tweet, although I don’t remember the beginnings. It could not have been too terrible, though, because we continued talking. Eventually, again I don’t remember the occasion, we decided to transfer the conversation to Skype. It was then that we started spending increased amounts of time together. There was rarely a day we didn’t skype. One of those days must’ve brought on the “oh, let’s meet sometime.” It still took a while before the actual plan was developed and even then it was supposed to be just casual.

The day before we met, I was talking to a friend of mine and I told her that I had a feeling this meeting wouldn’t be as casual as it was made out to be. It was nothing I could’ve put my finger on, neither did I have plans, it was just something in the air. As you know, I was right. I’m sorry about that. I could resist you for only so long.

The next big change happened was when I was in Germany. I was always looking forward to talking to you, share the day’s events with you, try to make you part of the experience. It was during that week, a new suspicion crept up… and I had to find out if it was true. I felt like I was missing you and the thought of having to spend at least 1, if not 2 more weeks without you seemed excessive. I called you and asked if I could come over. I needed to know if this was true or just a figment of my imagination. As it turned out, I didn’t imagine it. I missed you. Gawd, how much I missed you. Once again, I’m sorry for intruding on your weekend in such a fashion. I’m sure you had your own plans on spend that weekend and then I call and turn everything upside down.

Since then it has become increasingly difficult to get used to sleeping alone again after a weekend with you. I enjoy the time with you so much, even though my homework is still very distracting. I apologize for not ever being able to finish it by Friday, so we’d actually have a weekend together. I also apologize for not being there whenever you wake up, not being able to cuddle or share your dreams.

Although this may not be the optimal situation, we both agree it’s probably the best for now. Not only because of the burnout factor, the physical and mental overkill we would face if we lived closer, not only because my school work would suffer from it but also because this is something both of us need to get used to again. My freedom comes in small steps and a lot will be better once I move into my own place. It will be another chapter I can close, another step to be free. Please be patient with me, let me get used to everything. For once in my life, I want to do everything right and make sure that things are what they appear to be. You are too important to me… and for that I won’t apologize. 😉



  1. Well , you do need a little sleep ,sunshine!

  2. Gosh whoever this blog might be directed at is a pretty lucky guy and really excited that things have taken the turn they have. Sometimes life takes a left turn and ends up at a dead end and other times it leads to a long winding country road with many new and exciting things.

  3. Wow. I have goosebumps. I'm not kidding. You're both very lucky. 🙂

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