Posted by: sternenfeeinflorida | 23 March 2010

A Short Side Note

Yesterday, I realized something I had never considered before… when I move in with my boyfriend, he’ll be there. Always, well, as long as we are together, live together. Personal grooming, fitness, all those little things I usually did when home alone, will have to happen when he’s there, too. This will require some adjustments. I need to make sure I’m comfortable with that. I think I will be but in this regard, I’m still very much licking my wounds. Whenever I work out I am still waiting for snarky, degrading comments. I’m always waiting for him to withdraw any support, not understanding how important it is for me. I know they won’t come from him but I haven’t been able to trust him yet. For the time being, I have given up working out. This doesn’t help me feel better about my body, but it seems easier. I know that eventually I will have to start again; I will need to lose weight, too. I cannot live like this, so disgusted by myself when I look at my fat body. I hope he will understand.

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